Awkward Stage

We all go through an awkward stage, trapped somewhere between “got it all figured out” and “gave it all up”. We like to think we only go through it as kids, as teens trapped between childhood and adulthood, longing to hang onto the simplicity of toys and imaginary friends and Saturday morning cartoons over a […]

The Great Big Book Of Me

Call me Ishmael. It was a dark and stormy night. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Every good story needs a good opening line. Something that grabs you; that sets the tone; that establishes the tenor of all that follows, forecasting all the creativity, drama, success and adventure to […]

Where Did This Old Man Ass Come From?

Where did this old man ass come from, and why is it following me around? I remember when I used to fill these pants out like freakin’ Barishnikov … well, not these pants, since these are the pants I bought when it was made abundantly clear that big bottom bells were no longer de rigueur. […]

Farmer Tan

Why doesn’t my culture speak to me anymore? Why isn’t Madison Avenue interested in my dollars? They wanted my dollars once. Once I was young and beautiful, and advertisers fought to get my attention, because I fell in that magical range of people with money and time and a pliable brain. I used to be […]