Die, Little Timmy! Die!

I heard once that the Spam company was trying to get people to quit using the term ‘spam’ for unsolicited email. They gave up… ‘spam’ is just too universally accepted as a term for anything that you receive that you don’t really want. Like a fruitcake, In-Laws, or a drip that requires penicillin. Or Urban […]

Christmas Hair

The plastic Christmas tree is a vast improvement over the natural tree. [One], I didn’t have to kill it. And [B], I don’t have to deal with spiders crawling out of it in the middle of the night and eating my brain. Or maybe that’s just me. Yet I still feel guilty somehow, like I’ve […]

Holidaze

Halloween is over. It’s almost Thanksgiving. Then Christmas. Then New Years. It is, as I like to say, the beginning of the end. This time of year is, in fact, a season that particularly pisses me off. It’s a series of events that illustrates just how much of our culture and society is really all […]

Too Much Truthiness

I figured out what I want in life. I’ve struggled a long time with this, and more than once I’ve thought I had it all figured out. Today, I’m proud to announce that I finally got it. And it’s not that complicated. I want too much of a good thing. That seems easy, right? I’m […]

Llaves Sus Manos. Dick.

Common courtesy is an oxymoron. It’s bad enough that there are crazy old men with access to biological weapons. What I don’t need is my fellow citizens subjecting me to microscopic toxins just by being slobs. So I’m at the mall, in the bathroom of one of the large chain stores, which will remain nameless […]